Tomorrow

Today has been hard. The past few weeks have been hard. Basically I have been having a hard time since Ashton's birthday. Because I knew this was next. This time of year business is so insanely busy that I can't think straight. Literally. I am a complete mess. And on top of everything else, tomorrow has been quickly approaching. I have seen it on the horizon. I have talked about it. Prayed about it. And now I am teary about it.

It is here. Emerson is turning 5 tomorrow. Yes, all this drama is over a birthday. Birthdays are joyful. They truly are. But this one has me in a completely weepy state. My baby is going to be FIVE tomorrow. How did that happen?

There have been other birthdays. And I know there will be many more. But this one has hit me in the gut. Like a ton of bricks. Five. She is so independent. Five. She starts school next year. Five. She will be out in the world in just a few short months. Five. Have I prepared her for the world? Five. No longer a baby or a toddler but a young lady. Five. How did this happen?

I know tomorrow and this weekend will be about celebration but right now mommy is grieving. My sweet, innocent, baby is gone. Replaced with a kind, intelligent and beautiful young lady. My baby girl that I wished for my entire life is not a baby anymore. Not even close.

Let me end with a letter to my daughter.

Dear Emerson,

Tomorrow is your fifth birthday. You are so excited to finally be five. You love birthdays and can't wait to celebrate with family and friends this weekend. This year you are having a Fancy Nancy art party to incorporate two things that you love. I hope mommy can make it just as wonderful of a party as you are hoping for.

Emy, mommy loves you so much. I can't believe that you are five. I don't know where the years went. Of course I remember the day you were born. It doesn't seem like that long ago. It was the best day. You were the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. And you continue to become more beautiful every year.

 More than your beauty on the outside, your heart is so kind and loving. You look out for others. You are a great friend and a fabulous sister. You are empathetic and joyful and your laughter is completely infectious.

You are so creative and love all of the arts. You love to dance, sing, and create works of art. Your passion for art is so special. I hope you will enjoy the art lessons that mommy and daddy got you for your birthday this year.

 Last week at your school, we had teacher conferences and your teachers had nothing but great things to say. Literally they said it was hard for them to come up with something to have me work with you on. They said if they could have an entire class of Emerson's they would love it. They told me how you are kind and the best helper. All your classmates come to you with problems or when they need help. Your teachers went on and on about how intelligent and ahead for your age you are. I hope and pray that you always love school and want to be the leader.

This past few months have been full of change in our family. We spent the summer with our old house on the market and moving into a new house in a new neighborhood. I hope that you know that we did that for you. For your education. For your future. To give you the best we can. To put you in the place where we feel God wanted you to be.

The next year will be full of change too. Major changes for our family as you start kindergarten. There will be stress. Tears. Arguments and exhaustion. But it will be exciting. And fun. And a wonderful adventure. And we will do it together!

Most importantly, I hope that you know mommy and daddy are proud of you and love you to pieces. You are our big girl. Our precious angel. Our Emy Rae, M-n-M, stinkpot, babydoll, sugar, love, Emerson. You are our joy.

Love, Mommy