Sunday, August 25, 2013

The night before

I haven't posted in almost 9 months. That is practically a year. And completely shameful. And I have no pictures to share in this post. Also shameful.

However, there are too many thoughts swirling in my head that I feel like need to be captured. Too much about this moment right now that I don't want to forget. So, here I am to document.

Tonight the house is quiet. By the backdoor, a new backpack and lunchbox await. A new school uniform is laid out next to new school shoes (that tie!). We have a bag full of school supplies to deliver and a packet of forms to turn in. We celebrated with food, friends and cake.

Tomorrow morning Emerson starts a new chapter for our family. Tonight I have a pit in my stomach.

Tomorrow morning everything as we know it will change. Tonight I am emotional and sentimental all bundled into one crazy mess.

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I will walk Emerson into a huge building and leave her in a room full of strangers under the supervision of someone I met for 2 minutes. Tonight I may not sleep.

Tomorrow morning my firstborn starts kindergarten. Tonight I reminisce about the last 5 (almost 6) years with my girl.

"The days are long but the years are short". I don't know who said that first, but they are a genius. And most definitely a parent.

This day has been long approaching. I think it is the day that all mothers fear from the moment their tiny baby is born. At least I have. Tomorrow is the day that I can only pray I have prepared her for. Did my year's as a stay-at-home mom pay off? Is she ready? Mentally? Physically? Socially? And most importantly, Spritually?

Does my sweet girl know that I love her no matter what? That she can stand up to her peers? To walk away when someone is mean to her? That it is okay that she won't get everything on the first try? That somedays will be better than others? That when she comes home she can tell me everything? That Jesus will be with her all day long? Will all the things I have taught her "stick"?

This is it. Here we go. My turn is over. I am turning her out into the world for
7 hours a day to be molded, shaped, guided and taught by others. I pray that the foundation she has is enough. I pray that she will not only stand-up to pressures but that she will stand out as a light to those around her. You see, I don't want her to just succeed, I want her to thrive. I want her to be a vessel for Christ to those around her. I want her to be a beacon to so many lost souls that she will encounter.

My sweet girl, I love you more than words. I spent the greater part of this summer falling more in love with you than I already was. I soaked you up. I stared into your eyes. I was intentional in our talks. I adored all those moments and you.

I know how unbelievably excited you are about your big day tomorrow. I pray that your excitement and enthusiasm for school will stay with you always. Even on the hard days. I will miss you tomorrow. I will certainly be counting the minutes until I can pick you up. But I know that in all likelihood, you will be having too much fun to miss me all that much.

The day you have been waiting for all summer is finally here. You are ready. I will be too. I promise.

Love,  Mommy



Stephanie said...

i just had a nice, long cry. miss you.