Happy Birthday Emerson

A year ago today at about this time I was being wheeled into my room after a very long and exhausting day. Emerson did not want to come out and that turned into a csection where we found her literally stuck inside with the cord wrapped around her neck a couple times. She came out and the doctors and nurses instantly swooned (as I am sure they do with every baby, but it is still sweet to hear when it is yours).

I finally got out of recovery and into my room and I was completely exhausted. Mimi and Steve were waiting for me in my room and my dad and his fiance soon followed. At this point it was after 9pm and I knew that no one had eaten since lunch. I was so tired that I could barely function so I shewed (sp?) everyone out the door to go home and return in the morning.

It was the most wonderful moment when the room was peace and quiet and my night nurse (and new best friend) came in to greet me. We talked, I took drugs and got situated and then someone from the nursery brought Emerson in. My exhaustion was still there, but it was different. I was so overwhelmingly happy to have a moment with my precious baby all by myself. It was the sweetest time. She was so snuggly and precious that I could not stop cuddling her and enjoying her sleeping on my chest. After about a hour I gave in and let the nurse take her back to the nursery so I could get so much needed sleep.

As cliche as it sounds, I DO remember every single detail and emotion about October 25, 2007. I know the details will eventually fade, but they are still fresh as can be. I remember that: I was inredibly calm checking in to the hospital. Every time I saw Emerson's heartbeat distress on the monitor my heart stopped. The amazing feeling of an epidural. The moment that the doctor said I was going to need a csection, I started trembling from fear. When I was wheeled into the operating room Robert Palmer's "Addicted to Love" was blaring over the speakers. The overwhelming sensation of not being able to breath from the doctor pushing on my diaphram to try to get Emerson out. Not being able to stop crying at the sound of Emerson's first cries. And so many more details...

Dear sweet Emy Rae,

I cannot believe that you are one today! Where did the year go? I sit here right now trying to think of something profound to write. Something to explain the emotion and joy I feel from spending a wonderful year with you. So many different thoughts are floating in my head that I cannot focus on any of them.

Mommy and daddy love you more than we can ever show you. You have changed us and made us a family. You are the most amazing little girl. You have such a sweet spirit and wonderful personality. You show empathy to others and love your family and friends.

You have changed so much this first year that it is hard to believe. You are no longer a tiny helpless baby but a big girl who likes to help herself. You love to dance and talk. You love seasame street and your baby. You are a great sleeper and you love books. You love to wave at people around you and you love to swing.

You had so much fun at your party today. The weather was absolutely perfect. All your friends and family were there. You enjoyed your cupcake, but not as much as the cheetos. You played with friends and got lots of hugs and kisses from everyone. You went on the swing and enjoyed being the center of attention. Mommy can't wait to see the pictures!

We have enjoyed every moment with you this past year and can't wait to see what the next year holds. Mommy and daddy love you very much sweet girl.